Wednesday, December 17, 2008

How Many ACC Students Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Back in the middle of college football season, my friend Daron Williams, an occasional guest blogger here on Relatively Journalizing sent me an e-mail forward about how many students it takes to change a lightbulb in the SEC, and it also compared the way people celebrate football in the North as opposed to in the South. It was pretty humorous, so I planned to do an ACC version, being from Virginia Tech, sometime here on my blog. When I Googled "How many change lightbulb ACC" I only found this post, but I didn't like most of the lines it used. So I use a couple here, and write some of my own that you actually have to know a little about the school to get.
  • At Duke it takes two — One to change the light bulb, and one to write a study showing how they did it every bit as well as those Ivy League schools.
  • At UNC it takes three — One to change the bulb, and two to throw the old bulb at the Duke students.
  • At Wake Forest it only takes one — The other five students at the school are all busy doing something else.
  • At North Carolina State it takes five — one to change the bulb, one to explain that they really are part of the triangle and therefore deserve the bulb, one to give signal to screw in the bulb from the bell tower, one to ask John Edwards for money to buy the bulb and one to gather the rest of the students to help from the nearby Krispy Kreme shop.
  • At Maryland, it takes seven — one to change the bulb, one to explain to everyone that the bulb isn't racist, one to make sure the bulb won't burn the school down, one to get helpers out of the tornado shelter, one to explain that Jayson Blair didn't actually graduate from Maryland and therefore the bulb is not plagiarizing the use of other bulbs, one to explain why turtles are fierce if seen in the right light and one to ask Jim Henson to bring a Muppet who can help screw in the bulb (just preferably not St. Elmo because that involves fire).
  • At Boston College, it takes five — one to change the bulb, three to complain about how nobody in Boston cares and one to make sure Virginia Tech students aren't coming to take the stolen bulb back to their campus.
  • At Florida State, nobody really knows, but everyone praises Bobby Bowden for getting it done (and the girls all flash onlookers for good measure).
  • At Miami, all the students pitch in and talk about how this type of light bulb will definitely be back in style next year, just before it fizzles out again.
  • At Georgia Tech, it only takes one — and he’ll not only change the light bulb but will figure out how to power most of metro Atlanta in the process (while stealing power from Athens).
  • At Clemson, no one can confirm that they even have electricity, though somehow they were rated one of the most energy efficient schools at the beginning of the year.
  • At Virginia, it takes four — one to change the light bulb, one to fashion the old light bulb into a bong, one to score some really good weed and another to make sure everyone's collars are appropriately popped in the process.
  • At Virginia Tech, it takes four — one to change the bulb, one to explain what a Hokie is to the person who won't leave him alone about it, one to find another light bulb after a student steals the first one because he wanted to turn it into a robot, and one to milk the cow so the light bulb-changers have something to drink — but only after football season has ended.


Wendy said...

Love this post! Do you get all your college stereotypes from peeps you know? I was not aware of the Virginia rap??

JD said...

Some of them, but not all of them. Many in this one came from historical things about the schools, or from overexaggerations about things the schools are known for.

For the Virginia one (the weed part), that was actually part of the original post I linked to in the introduction, but I have heard it from some various people I know that it's one of the things they joke about there. On the popping of the collars, I added that part entirely myself, as I've actually seen it time and time again in Facebook photos and in Charlottesville. Just plays into the whole VT is a bunch of country folks and UVA is a bunch of preppy city slickers.

Of course, we all know that's not entirely true because VT has just as many farmboys and girls as they do spoiled NoVa kids. But, it's all still fun to poke fun at nonetheless.

Thanks for reading/commenting!