Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Bubba Files: Mobile Losing Campaign Headquarters

Welcome to a new feature on Relatively Journalizing, simply called "The Bubba Files." Whenever I see something that is obviously Bubba-like (i.e., hillbilly, redneck, etc.), then I'll post it here. I should preface this with the disclaimer that I don't think rednecks are bad people, just that there is indeed a separate culture in America with a very different outlook on life than the rest of us. And for those people, I have created this wonderful opportunity for them to be profiled once in a while to give the elusive redneck his day of fame on the Web.

I saw this guy's car from a distance at first (top photo), and then when I saw him get out, I just knew I had to get a closer look (bottom photo, where you can see he already got back into the driver's seat). This guy just had a swagger to him. Maybe it was the shaggy hair or the shirt tucked into jeans that jingled when he took his side-to-side cowboy steps. Then again, it could have been something about the way he spits.

When I got up closer to his car, I could see that this guy was actually an important member of the community. In fact, he is the representative for all the losers in the political realm. Then I realized, this was not just any Ford — this was a mobile losing campaign headquarters.

We've got Jim Gilmore for Senate, who lost to Mark Warner, the Democrat. Erica Williams beat Burke for the clerk job last year (get over it already). In 2007, the only candidate running against Brad Finch for the Commonwealth's attorney job was "write-in candidate." Must have been that bumper sticker that got him enough votes to win. See the McDonnell for governor one in the top-right corner? That election takes place next year, and — mark my words — the Republican candidate Bob McDonnell doesn't have a chance. I think the McCain-Palin sticker is obvious enough to forego explanation.

You can't see the sticker on the bottom-right part of the actual bumper that read: "Osama — Obama: SAME." Someone must not get away from his e-mail chain letters much. Then again, the confederate flag (the only part of the license plate not blurred) probably should give away how stuck in the past this guy is (if the stickers for candidates who have already lost didn't already).

The strangest part of all this to me is the two "NO BAMA" stickers. Look, I'm a Virginia Tech fan too, buddy, but how can you hate on the #1 team in the country? 'Bama is a great SEC team that has proven itself time and time again this season, and the Crimson Tide deserves its number-one spot in the college football rankings. Alabama fans, you should be upset. Just hide your elephant mascot, Big Al, because as this Bubba proudly proclaims, he's a member of the NRA and he votes (see top middle sticker) — it just happens his voting record isn't as good as well, the worst college football team's. Don't start gambling, Bubba.

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